Margot*, who had fertility treatment to conceive, shares the things she learnt along the way.
01 There aren’t always signs of infertility
When we decided to try for a baby, we thought we’d just try and see how it goes. We didn’t know that there would be an issue. I had spent my life being told that anytime you do it, you could get pregnant.
After 6 months of not conceiving, we thought, why isn’t this working?
I was 34, and I knew that we needed to look into it sooner rather than later. We decided to pay to be tested privately and found out the reason we couldn’t conceive naturally was because my partner had low sperm motility.
02 Male infertility is just as common as female infertility
As women, we always think infertility is a problem that we’re having, but male infertility is a huge thing. It should be spoken about more.
I wish there was more support for my partner. It was devastating for him to find out he had this issue.
03 Infertility can be really lonely
I found out it was very unlikely that we would conceive naturally on the same day that my friend sent me a picture of her 12-week scan. It wasn’t her fault, but it was difficult.
Everyone around me was getting pregnant and we weren’t, and it was very lonely. I know now that some people had struggled to conceive and some were doing IVF, but you just assume it’s only you that’s having trouble getting pregnant.
04 Fertility treatment can demand a lot of you as a woman
I wish I’d asked the doctors and nurses a bit more about what it was going to be like. I wasn’t prepared for how it all actually works, and it wasn’t a pleasant thing to go through.
I was the one taking all the drugs and going through the egg collection. I felt very much like I had to do everything, even though it wasn’t my issue. I know that sounds like a mean thing to say, but there were times when I found it difficult and I felt quite resentful.
05 It’s important to be kind to yourself
I wish I’d been a bit easier on myself.
I was really fixated on having a perfect diet and being really healthy and, to be completely honest, I don’t really know how much that helped.
But having acupuncture throughout was really, really helpful. I had this woman who was a fertility acupuncturist who I could talk to. She almost became like a counsellor.
06 Your support system is crucial
Try and find someone you trust, who you can talk to, who’s not your partner, because it can be a really hard process.
One of my best friends had gone through IVF and that helped.
If you’re offered counselling and you feel like it might help, take it. It’s like grieving a loss. It’s very intense.
07 It’s ok to feel a mixture of emotions
Allow yourself to grieve a bit. Even if it does work, you might still feel some grief.
For example, we never had that moment where you just find out you’re pregnant. It can all be very clinical.
Our families knew the date when we were doing the embryo transfer, which meant people would be messaging me asking how it was going. Which is lovely, but it can take away some of the magic.
08 Pregnancy can feel like a lot of pressure
I was really fortunate that it worked first time.
I felt really excited, but I also felt very nervous because I felt like I was carrying this very precious thing.
It cost us twelve thousand pounds to have our son, so it couldn’t go wrong because we couldn’t afford to do it again.
09 There are positives from going through IVF
I had a pretty good pregnancy, and I knew exactly when I was due because I knew the time we had the embryo transfer. When it’s an IVF baby, they monitor you more too. It’s quite nice because you know a bit more of what’s going on.
10 Fertility doesn’t disappear at 35
Lots of women can have children into their 40s. I was desperate to do it before I was 35, but actually, I don’t know if that would have changed much.
You feel like your biological clock is ticking if you want to have kids, but you do have time.